In most any relationship, there is a degree of control exercised by one or both partners over the other. It might be hard to admit it, but that is the reality that so many people face–even in the most copacetic relationships.
A certain degree of control isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We are all ‘guilty’ of controlling our loved ones and the people we come in contact with in many harmless and innocuous ways. Anything from asking a buddy to help you move to another house to batting your eyelashes at a barista could be considered controlling in some way. But these are generally of no significance, and the target usually won’t mind, nor will he or she have a reason to.
But controlling takes a decidedly less innocent turn when it is done against the recipient’s will and it is done habitually. It is even more sinister when controlling or manipulative behavior is done in order to undermine a person or place him or her at a disadvantage.
In a sugar dating relationship, any partner can exert excessive and inappropriate control over the other. For purposes of this article, we are going to assume that you already know not to do that to your sugar baby. Our focus then would be helping you determine whether or not you are being unfairly controlled by your sugar baby and what you can do about it.
Is your sugar baby the controlling type?
No one likes an overly controlling person. As a sugar daddy, you shouldn’t have to put up with a sugar baby who is intent on imposing her will on you. That doesn’t make for a very enjoyable relationship, and you are likely to become miserable sooner or later.
Unfortunately, some people do have controlling tendencies, although it may not be apparent right from the start. And once this tendency manifests itself, you may find that there is little that you can do to change it. At that point, it is only a few short steps from having an extremely difficult situation turn intolerable.
Controlling behavior can manifest itself in many different ways. Your sugar baby may insist that you not show affection to her in public or that you dress a certain way. She may also be overly critical or judgmental of you, or she may demand that you give her more money or gifts than you are willing.
How much control is too much?
As mentioned previously, a certain degree of control within a relationship is fairly normal. In fact, some would even say that it is essential, as it helps partners communicate their needs to each other in a less threatening and more natural way. Without this measure of control, relationships could descend into demands or arguments each time someone needs or wants something.
But too much of a good thing is bad, and excessive control definitely isn’t a good thing. Past a certain point, control becomes excessive and detrimental to the relationship. If your sugar baby always insists on having her way–particularly in matters that you consider important–that is a sure sign that she is exerting too much control over you.
Another warning sign is when you cease to have any say in many aspects of the relationship, from where you will go when out on dates to what you can spend your money on, and so on.
What you can do about it
The time to act is really right at the beginning of the relationship, before you and your sugar baby become settled into a pattern of control and subservience. Right from the start, you should make it clear that you won’t put up with any type of coercive or manipulative behavior, nor will you be a willing subject to emotional blackmail.
We can’t stress enough the importance of setting boundaries as early on in the relationship as possible. Far too often, an intolerable or hostile situation develops over time, rather than occurs instantly. If you neglect to set parameters for how you wish to be treated from the start, you could find yourself giving up less and less control as time goes on. You could then eventually be in an intolerable situation without knowing how you got there in the first place.
Make sure you aren’t overreacting
Don’t discount the possibility that what you perceive as an attempt to control you may simply be a harmless request or an expression of your sugar baby’s wishes. Not everything is a sinister plot to undermine you, and not every sugar baby is a manipulative and conniving vixen eager to see your downfall. Learn to differentiate harmless expressions of wants and desires from manipulative and controlling behavior. Close familiarity with your sugar baby will help in this regard, and you may eventually see her actions for what they really are.
Putting your foot down
That being said, there are situations that cannot be mistaken for anything other than the controlling maneuvers that they are. If you have no doubt in your mind that your sugar baby is exerting unwarranted control over you, the only real solution is to have a serious talk with her and ask her to stop. Clearly explain to her that you have noticed such behavior occurring too often or in increasing frequency. Also let her know how it is affecting you and how it is making you feel.
Hopefully your sugar baby will acknowledge any wrongdoing on her part and will commit to changing her ways. If she refuses to address her issues–or denies them entirely–there really is no other alternative for you but to put an end to the relationship.
No sugar daddy should have to live with a sugar baby who seeks to control him, whether intentionally or subconsciously. There are a lot of sugar babies out there with whom you can share a more mutually agreeable relationship. Have enough dignity and respect for yourself to know when you are in an untenable situation, and do whatever is necessary in order to protect your best interests.